Monday, October 18, 2010

daily remembrance

Pregnancy and Infant Loss Remembrance Day was last Friday, October 15th, and I missed it. But I'd bet my savings account that anyone who's experienced a miscarriage, stillbirth, or infant death doesn't need one special day devoted to remembering his or her lost children. Each day is its own remembrance day. The loss of life is not something you forget. Long after the condolences cease, your body heals, and things are seemingly back to normal, you realize they're really not, and they never will be again. But, by God's grace, you get used to the new normal.

Miscarriage has changed me in profound ways. Some of my relationships have been affected, for better or worse. I've bonded with women I barely know, some who are also members of the club and some who aren't. I have increased compassion for people who experience loss. I've learned to ask for help, and to lean on others when I need them. I understand what it means to grieve.

Sometimes I feel like I barely remember the month of July. My mind has repressed that month's memories to help me cope. The days since then have seemed long, but the weeks have flown by. I've found that whether you're standing on top of a mountain or crawling through a valley, time passes quickly, which does help. Some things are easier now, three months post miscarriage, but some aspects are harder than I expected them to be.

The Lord, in his kindness, may very well bless Brad and I with other children. But we will always love and remember these two, our first two, even though we never met them.

2 comments:

rebecca.d.winnett said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
rebecca.d.winnett said...

I have a friend who recently became a member of this sad "club" and I was once again reminded of your eloquence on this personal topic. Know that your openness,even on the blog have helped me and I hope helped her.

Love Love.