Tuesday, August 18, 2009

the war of the herbs

The day dawns hot and humid, a day like any other in the middle of August in the Mid-Atlantic region. As the sun climbs high in the sky, gradually, and then suddenly spilling over the tall, wooden fence that shades the raised garden in the early morning, eight of the twelve troops soldier on, viciously fighting to outwit, outplay, and outlast each other to claim the last remaining inches of rich soil in direct sunlight and total dominion of the garden. Ninety days into this never-ending war, here's today's briefing on the situation:

Peppermint and Spearmint make up a battalion in the southwest corner of the field to combat the evil one, Parsley, a fast-growing-and-spreading terror in the garden. The 'mints built a thick wall to shield Thyme, now rescued and sequestered in its own gray plastic tank after early imprisonment by the Dark Lord. Coming from the Northwest, Sage holds its own while guarding Rosemary, rescued from the South soon after early casualties were found. Rosemary now thrives in its own terra cotta bunker. Chives, a cowardly traitor and suspected deserter from the outset, ran away to live peacefully with the Tomato and Pepper tribes, escaping the war altogether. The General just received word that Marjoram plans to invade from the North, seemingly irrelevant information because no one has heard of this supposed leader. Major, who? Basil, lurking in the Northeast, attempts a new tactic: growing taller rather than wider to invoke a slow and painful death on its enemies by starving them of sunshine. Oregano, the veteran and wisest inhabitant of the garden, rests quietly behind Parsley, letting the young and reckless evil one cause distraction so that the big O can surge in and crush the others, trampling their tender leaves and stalks to bits. Dill never saw its demise coming. Sprouting up too quickly, Dill reached its peak prematurely and exploded. Also known for its lack of stamina, Cilantro has already risen for a second time, posing as Parsley's twin to gain ground.

The stakes are high. Each battle is fierce. Lives will be lost. And only one will triumph. Stay tuned.


Katie said...

Ha ha! Oh my! So crazy. How are you ever going to use all those herbs??!!!

Allison R said...

If you want to give some away, I'll take a donation. Could you bring them to book club? It might inspire me to cook.

Dr. Blondie said...

Great idea, Allison! You've just inspired tomorrow's post (thanks!). Check back tomorrow to place your order. And yes, I can bring them to book club on Monday.